Chapter 29

So this is what pressure feels like, Hoshizuki-kun. Japan is just like this. It is just like how you cannot sleep well right now; once you get used to it, you will no longer have such thoughts. Yanagiumi Riko said this to Yu Hoshizuki. Hondahouyun's matter was unavoidable, but he would have to get used to it sooner or later. After a long time, he would feel that this matter was nothing at all.

I hope what you are saying is indeed the case. I hope this matter passes quickly. As he spoke, Yu Hoshizuki thought of something and immediately asked Yanagiumi Riko, What did you and Yumi talk about when I went downstairs, Riko? Yu Hoshizuki was referring to the conversation between Natsukina Yumi and herself before he went downstairs. This was something Yu Hoshizuki had always wanted to know.

This was girl business, and a boy had no right to know, but since both of them were her students, as long as they were willing to keep it a secret, it would be fine. Yanagiumi Riko said, This matter is annoying to begin with, at least for me personally. Please do not lose your temper when you hear it; Natsukina Yumi is simply too stubborn.

What kind of temper could I possibly lose? Is there really anyone who can make me angry? Yu Hoshizuki retorted. For Natsukina Yumi to make a teacher angry, it would have to be an act of disrespect toward the teacher. Yanagiumi Riko sighed and said, Originally, I was asking Yumi if I could make a home visit to her house in a few days, but she kept dragging her feet and refused to let me come over.

What could possibly be wrong with that? Her being unwilling to let you visit means she does not want you to see her home environment. Her home is very dilapidated and poor, and if you go, it will only make her feel inferior. Yu Hoshizuki had seen Natsukina Yumi's home. He had gone there with Wang Tianqi, and her family background was not as good as he had imagined.

That is only part of it. Do you know what she said to me after you went downstairs? Yanagiumi Riko asked Yu Hoshizuki. Yu Hoshizuki did not know and simply shook his head. Yanagiumi Riko said, She said that for a rich person like the teacher to come to her home would be an insult to her, and that she did not want to be given charity by the teacher. She said she would welcome me anytime once her family's conditions improved.

This—this is complete nonsense, isn't it? Yu Hoshizuki was speechless when he heard this. Is Natsukina Yumi's value system really like this? Does she view her teachers as wealthy bosses? Yu Hoshizuki felt a slight surge of anger. Hearing Yanagiumi Riko say this, Yu Hoshizuki really wanted to punch Natsukina Yumi. Did she look at people that way, measuring everything in terms of money?

Yanagiumi Riko shook her head and said, That is why I wanted to make her stop looking at people through such a lens. People are not made of money. Everything I have achieved is the result of my own hard work, not by sucking up to others, which would only crush one's own self-esteem. Now I have experienced too many indescribable things.

Hearing Yanagiumi Riko say this, Yu Hoshizuki began to talk about his own affairs. Riko, would you like to hear my story? Yanagiumi Riko nodded. I do not fully understand Hoshizuki-kun yet. Your story should be quite interesting, not precocious like other people's. If you ask me, you are an old soul in the body of an adolescent.

Yu Hoshizuki smiled and said, Saying it like that is not wrong. There are many people back there who say that about me, saying I have the mindset of an elderly person at the age of seventeen. Things other people do are not necessarily funny, but I still force a smile along with them just to give them face. Actually, I am quite childish, though other people do not see it that way.

Why do you say that? I think you are much more mature than others. Yanagiumi Riko did not understand why Yu Hoshizuki would say such a thing. Yu Hoshizuki explained, In truth, my daily life is entirely an act; nothing is real. Every day I pretend to be childish so that people will not get close to me. Perhaps that way, manipulative people will feel a sense of disgust toward this fool.

Yanagiumi Riko did not speak, simply listening quietly as Yu Hoshizuki continued. Yu Hoshizuki had experienced far more than others. After my friend passed away, I felt completely lost. The person who understood me best was gone, and I was left all alone. Yet I still had to keep pretending to be childish, because I did not want to burden others with my emotions, lest they feel as sorrowful as I did.

Doing that will only make you lose yourself. Yanagiumi Riko could not bear to see Yu Hoshizuki act this way and said sternly, If your life is filled with hypocrisy everywhere, no one will be willing to make friends with a hypocrite. People will only think that you are putting on an act at all times and never show your true self. Of course, I can understand that this is a form of self-protection.

Yu Hoshizuki nodded and said, You are half right. My acting is just to protect myself from being hurt by others. Perhaps due to psychological trauma from my childhood, I harbor hostility toward everyone. Whether someone is genuinely worthy of friendship is something I cannot say for sure, but as long as I distance myself from them, there will be no danger.

Yu Hoshizuki spoke with great agitation. He tried hard to restrain his emotions and continued, Even until now, I am still pretending, refusing to face my true self. Haven't I told you about Lin Zimo? For some reason, she just likes me. I have no idea what it is about me that she likes; perhaps I truly do not understand women.

You really are a little fool, Yanagiumi Riko said, tapping her own head. Perhaps she saw right from the start that you were not showing your true self, which is why she drew close to you. As she came to understand you, she gradually grew to know you better and came to love you. She wants to change you. If people shared just a little more trust between them, it could change a person.

Yu Hoshizuki let out a self-deprecating laugh. Unfortunately, my life is filled with lies everywhere. For example... my father. Mentioning Yu Chun clearly stirred up intense emotions in him. Late at night is when the soul is at its most fragile. Back when I was a child, his debts abandoned my mother and me. Now that the debts are finally paid off, he is no longer in this world either. Can death really bring release? It only causes those left behind to suffer even more.

Then do you not hate him? Yanagiumi Riko's feelings were deeply conflicted; Yu Hoshizuki's assessment of his father was so ruthless. Yu Hoshizuki then said, Yet for some reason, every time I saw him, it only made the hatred I felt toward him grow. His appearance never brought anything good. Still, I longed to see him, to grab him by the collar and ask why he chose to leave back then and dumped all the responsibilities onto my mother.

Your father had his own reasons for doing what he did. Now that the debts are all paid off and he is gone, what more are you dissatisfied with? Yanagiumi Riko asked Yu Hoshizuki. Yu Hoshizuki remained silent for a moment before saying, This is what they call the heart—why is it so fragile? On the day he died, why did I cry? I should have felt happy instead.

Yanagiumi Riko pulled Yu Hoshizuki into her embrace. Yu Hoshizuki's eyes grew moist, and influenced by him, Yanagiumi Riko's eyes turned red of their own accord. You were reluctant to let him go. Perhaps he ended his life because he did not want to win your forgiveness. Perhaps his disappearance was simply so he would no longer cause you pain by being around. That is what your father hoped for—to let you be happy.

But I simply cannot accept it. Before I could even settle scores with him, he left first. Isn't that the act of a coward? I... Yu Hoshizuki choked up and could not finish, weeping in Yanagiumi Riko's arms. Yanagiumi Riko cried right along with him. Yu Hoshizuki's stories did not end here; this was only a part of them.

Sleep here tonight. I will keep you company, Yanagiumi Riko said softly to Yu Hoshizuki. Cried out, Yu Hoshizuki fell asleep in Yanagiumi Riko's arms. Yanagiumi Riko carefully and gently lifted Yu Hoshizuki, laying him down on the bed, and wiped away the tear tracks from the corners of his eyes. Sleep well, my little prince.

There are many hardships in life that cannot be borne entirely alone, but if you have someone who understands and supports you, someone willing to face life alongside you, things will begin to grow beautiful again. Perhaps that person can breathe new life and vitality back into your world.

Yanagiumi Riko also lay down on the bed to sleep beside Yu Hoshizuki, their backs turned to one another. She had gained some understanding of Yu Hoshizuki now, learning how this precocious student had survived his past. His inner self was immensely strong, yet deep in the night, that strength would be swallowed up by sorrow. The only other person who truly understood Yu Hoshizuki was Yang Shuting.

The deep night was so tranquil. Yanagiumi Riko lay in bed, unable to sleep for a long time, watching the moonlight shine into the room through the window. The gentleness of the moonlight gradually brought sleepiness over her as well. Once asleep, the two of them slept deeply and sweetly. One could see simultaneous smiles upon both of their faces. They had a wonderful dream tonight, the details of which need not be spoken further.