Chapter One

At that age, I knew nothing of matters between men and women. Not long after graduating from elementary school, I received an admission letter from a prestigious middle school, much to the delight of my parents. But was I truly happy? Why did I feel afraid and lost?

Perhaps I was running away, afraid of growing up. I remember thinking, after that summer, I would be a middle schooler. The thought stirred a hint of excitement, yet I dreaded the arrival of that day.

Summer passed quickly. I arrived at the school with my mother to register, unfamiliar with this new place. I saw the older students from the higher grades registering on their own; maybe that was what maturity looked like.

At the registration desk, a teacher asked, “What’s your name?”

“Hugo.”

“Are you a girl?”

A girl? Even now, those words sting like mockery. Back then, my hair was too long and my manner too gentle, so I was saddled with an unflattering, effeminate nickname.

After I explained myself, the teacher apologized, but I didn’t dwell on it. Thinking back, I really was quite unkempt.

Perhaps I’d grown used to being alone—indifferent to others, comfortable by myself. I thought solitude was wonderful; no one disturbed me, and I could enjoy the quiet pleasure of reading at my desk.

At first, I had no friends. Over time, though, I made my first friend—a girl, who would later be called my girlfriend.

“Hugo, stop reading! Come play with me,” a lively girl called out.

“Zi Mo, I don’t like sports. Please don’t torture me. Isn’t reading better?” I replied.

Lin Zi Mo rolled her eyes at me. After knowing me for so long, she was still riled by the fact that all I did was read and avoid exercise. It sparked something in her—a determination to coax me out of the classroom and into the world.

“You’re too introverted,” she said. “You barely know anyone in class. Make some friends.”

I ruffled my hair and said simply, “What friends? You’re already my friend. That’s plenty. If you don’t mind, I could buy a few more books to keep me company.”

Ignoring Lin Zi Mo, I returned to my seat and delved back into my book. Outwardly, she said nothing, but inside, she was worried. If this continued, I’d be bullied when I entered the real world. That wouldn’t do!

It was from this moment that my life began to change because of Lin Zi Mo. She transformed me from a studious, obedient boy into someone much tougher.

One Saturday, I was idling at home. Not long after I finished elementary school, my parents began divorce proceedings. That bastard of a father had racked up debts and left my mother to repay them, then vanished. He even threatened my mother, demanding money or he’d kill her.

There were times when I wanted to kill him myself. How could a father do such a thing, leaving my mother to suffer so? Understanding our family’s situation, I pinched every penny, refusing to spend any more of my mother’s hard-earned money.

My mother noticed it all. She once said, “Don’t save so much that you ruin your health. If something happens to you and I have to worry, what then?”

Those words warmed my heart. I swore that once I could earn money, I would never let my mother suffer again. I would help her repay every cent of that bastard’s debt.

Thanks to Lin Zi Mo’s introduction, I tried working as a barista in a café. I learned to make coffee—after two or three failed attempts, I finally mastered it, making me the fastest new hire to pick it up after being accepted.

It was actually through Lin Zi Mo’s connections that I got the job. My introverted nature made me ill-suited for it, but with her help, I was hired.

I thought to myself: Now I can help my mother repay the debts, even if it’s just a little. At least it eases her burden.

So I juggled school and part-time work, a routine that lasted nearly a month.

Then, one day, Lin Zi Mo dashed over, excitement written all over her face as I was making coffee. “Hugo, I have great news!”

I smiled. “What could be so exciting? Bought a house?”

“As if I could afford that! The good news is—I’ve been accepted into the national taekwondo team!”

I stared at her in surprise, sizing her up in disbelief. “Aren’t you Japanese? How could you be accepted?”

“Who says I can’t? If Japanese can take Chinese citizenship, why can’t I?” Lin Zi Mo was dissatisfied. Over the past month, I had changed a little—though I still wasn’t much of a talker.

I realized that if she joined the team, I wouldn’t see her as often. Why did that make me nervous?

“Well, congratulations in advance,” I said fondly.

“Thanks for your good wishes! I have to go now. Maybe the next time you see me, I’ll be a different person.”

After she left, only I remained. Watching her retreating figure, I felt content. I had also once been a national taekwondo athlete. If not for health reasons, I might have stayed. Retiring was probably the best choice for me.

“I hope you won’t cry when you get there. That will be a place to temper you,” I murmured to myself—she was already out of earshot.

Perhaps this is what growing up is. In the café, I learned a lot. People nursing broken hearts would come here, as the café’s name implied, “Heartbreak Café.”

Was love really so fragile? I wondered. Could it truly be so?

Back at school, the daily self-study period brought me joy. I could do as I pleased—reading my favorite books was the greatest happiness.

But that peace did not last long before it was shattered by a commotion.

“What the hell are you doing? I was just teasing you, no need to blow up!”

“You call this a joke? You cut my leg with a knife, and you say that’s funny?”

A boy and girl were arguing. The boy had used a small blade to cut the girl’s left leg, claiming it was a joke, but the girl refused to accept it.

The teacher was absent, and their quarrel grew louder. The other students merely watched, no one stepping in to stop them—that was the so-called cold indifference.

Angered by the sudden outburst, I don’t know what gave me the courage, but I stood up and walked straight toward the arguing pair.

“You’re disturbing my studies,” I said to the boy.

“Who the hell cares? What does this have to do with you?”

“I don’t care what’s going on between you two. All I know is, you’re interrupting my study.”

“Screw you!” The boy punched me, splitting my lip.

I wiped the blood from my mouth and looked at him. “I don’t like using violence, but some people insist on forcing my hand.”

Grabbing his collar, I executed a perfect shoulder throw right before everyone’s eyes. The whole class was stunned—including Lin Zi Mo, who had always thought I only knew how to read and nothing else.

“This is what I’ve learned—you must learn to respect others. You act so childish here; perhaps you should go back to kindergarten for a few more years before coming to this school.”

I spoke with unusual authority. The girl who’d been cut looked at me with gratitude, but I paid her no mind and returned to my seat to read.

What had started as a joke between deskmates turned into a quarrel, then a fight after I intervened. Both the boy and I were punished for it.