Chapter Eighty-Eight: There Was No Going Back

At dawn, mountain mist hung over the hills.
It had not yet dispersed, and the whole village lay in a state somewhere between sleep and waking. Now and then a cockcrow would stir the drowsy settlement a little more to life. In the mountains, peddlers already walked with their loads on their shoulders, heading into the town for the morning market. White light spread faintly in the east, and the first ray of dawn rose from beyond the hills. Every household began to prepare breakfast; wisps of cooking smoke curled upward, bearing the warm scent of ordinary life.

When Yan Zi awoke, Wei Zhuang was not beside her. She stepped outside and saw him standing beneath an apricot tree. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she greeted him, “Why are you up so early?”

Wei Zhuang half-closed his eyes, his voice faint and distant, as if it came from beyond the mountains. “Couldn’t sleep, so I got up.”

“Has Miss Ye awakened?”

“She has already left.”

“So early? Where did she go?”

“She went into the city with the peddlers.”

“Why didn’t sir stop her?”

Wei Zhuang smiled, and there was a trace of irony in it. “She didn’t come for me. Why should I stop her?”

Yan Zi froze.

The sun had fully climbed above the mountains, its scarlet radiance bathing the village. A new day had begun.

By the time Ye Qianran stepped out of the inn in the small town, it was already noon. Looking up at the spring sunlight, her mood lifted somewhat. Though what had happened had caught her utterly unprepared, she had at least seen Liu Yun.

In truth, from the moment she married Wei Zhuang, she knew she and Liu Yun were no longer destined for one another, and she had never dared to hope for a future in which they would stand hand in hand. She had come to seek him only because life had already stripped her of faith. Having seen her home destroyed and her family ruined, having betrayed another in turn, the beauty and vitality once in her life had been nearly spent. Only the memory of him remained unchanged, pristine as ever.

He was her dream, the faith she could not stop walking toward.

Since she had found him, she ought to be glad. She could not possibly wish that he had truly died in battle.

Ye Qianran walked along the road through an unfamiliar town and among unfamiliar faces, yet she felt safe. She did not know when it had begun, but she liked wandering among strangers. No one knew her there; she could laugh as she pleased, cry as she pleased, and need not pretend strength before anyone.

Then she saw Wei Zhuang.

He was standing beside Yan Zi at a stall selling rouge. Seen in profile against the light, he smiled at the person beside him. Ye Qianran suddenly remembered the tiny mole on his face, so clear and distinct. Then she realized she had not remembered it simply because she had once seen it; she remembered the way his mouth curved when he smiled.

Everything was still so vivid, yet they had been apart too long. Time was like water, and between them lay a river she could not cross. Carriages and streams of people passed by, and he vanished in an instant amid the crowd.

A sudden pain stabbed through her heart.

She lifted a hand to shield her eyes from the harsh sunlight, then lowered her head and smiled to herself.

All things have changed, and nothing remains.

Indeed, she should leave.

Not for anyone else, but for herself, she ought to go. She did not belong here.

She raised her hand to smooth the hair at her temple, and with it brushed away the half-tear lingering at the corner of her eye.

She went up the mountain.

From afar, Ye Qianran saw the wild peach blossoms reaching out at an angle, their beauty wanton and alluring amid the dark blue-green mountains. She suddenly thought of Bai Juyi’s line, though it was not entirely accurate: when the blossoms of the world fade in April, the peach flowers of the mountain temple only then come into full bloom. Here among the steep cliffs of the mountains, by March the peach blossoms had already opened, glorious and unrestrained.

Across the path from the peach tree stood the small courtyard she had longed for.

She drew a deep breath.

The gate to the courtyard stood open. Beneath the peach tree, two white-bearded old men were playing chess, and beside them stood a little girl of about ten.

Seeing Ye Qianran approaching from afar, the child ran up to her and, eyes wide with curiosity, asked, “Aren’t you the older sister who fainted by the river?”

Ye Qianran crouched down and touched her little face, smiling. “And you are?”

The little girl looked at her and said in a soft, childish voice, “I was the one who brought you back from the riverbank. Don’t you remember?”

Ye Qianran laughed. Looking at that little face, she suddenly thought of Qianzhi, and a wave of fondness rose in her heart. “Then, my little lifesaver, what is your name?”

“My name is A Luo.” The little girl still looked at her, her bright eyes flashing with curiosity.

At that moment, one of the old men playing chess spoke up. “A Luo, you’re stealing your sister’s credit again. It was clearly your sister who saved her. You’re only this tall, and you think you can save people?”

A Luo immediately ran to the old man’s side and pouted, “Grandfather, I’ve already read so many medical books. I can save people too.”

The white-bearded old man laughed again. “I think A Luo doesn’t know how to save people. I think A Luo knows how to fool people. You always leave your grandfather spinning in circles.”

A Luo cried out in protest, “Grandfather, how am I fooling anyone? Everything I say is true.”

The old man turned to look at his lovely little granddaughter and laughed. “All right, all right. Everything A Luo says is true. Then, good A Luo, take this older sister to find your sister, will you?”

A Luo obediently nodded. “Mm. I like this older sister. I’ll take her to find Sister A Chun.”

The old man stroked his beard and tapped her little head. “You little imp. Off you go, then. Don’t keep this sister waiting.” He then glanced at Ye Qianran and nodded to her. Ye Qianran returned the courtesy.

A Luo ran back to Ye Qianran’s side and looked up at her. “Sister, sister, I’ll take you to find Sister A Chun.”

Ye Qianran touched her bangs and smiled softly, her cheeks dimpling with faint pearly hollows. This little girl was truly endearing.

A Luo tilted her head, nibbling at a finger as she looked at her. “Sister, you’re so pretty. I haven’t seen anyone prettier than you here.”

Holding the girl’s hand, Ye Qianran smiled. “When A Luo grows up, you’ll surely be prettier than sister.”

Wind came down from the mountains, scattering apricot blossoms in the courtyard like a fine rain of petals. Flowers drifted over their sleeves, carrying a faint fragrance.

A Chun wore a blue cotton shirt with tiny floral prints, her hair loosely coiled into a bun. There was something naturally simple and pure about her, an unclouded innocence. She was carrying a basket filled with medicinal herbs freshly gathered by her grandfather.

When she looked up and saw Ye Qianran in a white robe embroidered with great swathes of queen-of-the-night flowers, her face beautiful as a painting and radiant beyond compare in the late-spring breeze, she paused. Indeed, she was a woman one would never forget at first sight.

Ye Qianran came before A Chun, her face wearing a sincere smile. “I was rude yesterday. I hope I did not frighten you, Miss A Chun.”

A Chun turned to place the basket on a shelf and smiled as well. “Miss Ye is an old friend of my husband’s. Why be so polite? You must be here to see him. I’ll go call—”

“Miss A Chun, I came to bid you farewell,” Ye Qianran interrupted before she could finish. “I have urgent matters and must hurry back. I cannot stay long. Your kindness can only be repaid another day.”

“You’re leaving, Miss Ye?” A Chun sounded a little surprised.

Ye Qianran nodded. “I came mainly to say goodbye, and to take my bundle with me.”

A Chun looked at her silently for a moment, then turned to fetch the bundle from the clinic. There, she saw Liu Yun standing behind her with a basket in his hands.

A Chun glanced back at Ye Qianran, then at Liu Yun, whose gaze had crossed over her and settled on Ye Qianran. Taking A Luo by the hand, she went into the clinic.

Ye Qianran bit her lip.

Liu Yun no longer wore yesterday’s discomposure. He looked at her quietly, saying nothing.

Ye Qianran smiled and took a few steps forward. “I never thought we would meet again. Tell me, isn’t fate a strange thing?”

Liu Yun smiled faintly as well. “Have you been well lately?”

Ye Qianran nodded. “Quite well.” After a pause, she added, “I heard that you are married. Congratulations.”

Liu Yun gazed at her for a long moment before saying, “I also heard that you are married. Congratulations. Only, why have you come here alone? Where is your husband? Why is he not with you?”

Ye Qianran froze. Did he not know what had happened between her and Wei Zhuang? Then she silently mocked herself; whether he knew or not, what did it matter? She turned her face away and did not look at him. Behind her came a low laugh. Ye Qianran turned and saw Wei Zhuang and Yan Zi stepping through the door. Shouldn’t they have been in town? When had they come up the mountain?

Wei Zhuang looked at Liu Yun. “I wonder whether Brother Liu still remembers a story I once told. At the time, A Chun even asked me how it ended. Now I can tell her the ending: that woman, who killed her own child and abandoned her husband, went alone to seek her lover. She searched for three years. After three years, she finally saw the man she had never stopped longing for. Unfortunately, her lover was already married.”

Ye Qianran closed her eyes, her fingertips trembling faintly.

Liu Yun’s heart beat hard and fast. “What do you mean by that, Mr. Wei?”

Wei Zhuang lowered his head and laughed, a trace of cruelty in the curve of his mouth. “What I mean is that the woman who lost her family, abandoned her husband, and cast aside her child is standing right before you. The lover she searched for three years is you. And the father of the child she abandoned, her husband, is me.”

Liu Yun’s body swayed unsteadily. He reached out and braced himself against the shelf beside him.

Yan Zi’s eyes widened in disbelief.

Cao Feng had only told him that Qianran was already married, so he should not think about her anymore. And he himself had always believed that she had lacked the strength to resist temptation, lacked the patience to wait, that she had betrayed first. But now... how could this be?

Liu Yun pressed a hand to his chest, his face growing even paler. Why had he not known? Why had no one told him?

Ye Qianran looked coldly at Wei Zhuang. Wei Zhuang tilted his head and looked back at her, the corner of his mouth carrying a smile that seemed to mock her.

Suddenly Ye Qianran realized that this man had been hating her all along. He was taking revenge. She had once betrayed him, and now he wanted her to suffer as well.

Liu Yun frowned and looked at her. “Is what he said true?”

“It is not true. What he said is not true,” Ye Qianran denied at once.

Wei Zhuang gave a cold laugh and turned his head toward her. “Then tell me, what is true? That you did not lose your family, that you did not marry me, that you did not betray me, that your life was clean and unblemished all along? Is that it?”

Ye Qianran bit her lip, her whole body trembling. Those words should not have mattered to her, yet spoken before Liu Yun, they became like knives. Every second was torment.

Suddenly Liu Yun swung a fist into Wei Zhuang’s face. Blood immediately spilled from the corner of Wei Zhuang’s mouth. No one had expected it; everyone drew in a sharp breath. Yan Zi hurried forward to support Wei Zhuang, dabbing anxiously at the blood from his lips. That single punch seemed to have exhausted Liu Yun’s strength. A Chun, who had been peering from the clinic window, immediately threw down what she was holding and rushed out. Ye Qianran reflexively moved to help, then, startled, stopped herself.

Wei Zhuang brushed Yan Zi’s hand aside. A cruel smile still played at his mouth. “Even if you hit me, so what? You are already married. There is no possibility left for the two of you.”

His body staggered back a step. He pressed hard against his chest, and a sudden bloody taste surged up from deep inside him. He bent over and vomited a mouthful of blood. A Chun immediately caught him, frightened nearly to tears.

Ye Qianran clenched both hands tightly, a sharp pain twisting through her heart.

A dark, malicious satisfaction flashed across Wei Zhuang’s mind. At least now he knew: he was not the only one in pain. As long as she too could hurt, nothing else mattered anymore.