Chapter 4

Jiang Jingchun’s almost childish question, of course, could not be answered by Gu Huaisheng.

He never uttered a word from beginning to end, as usual, looking at her coldly.

Only a faint trace of displeasure flickered across his brows and eyes.

He could tolerate her harmless teasing; it meant nothing to him. But for her to ask such a question right in front of him was truly inappropriate.

In a low voice, he said, "Be careful with your words, cousin."

Such distant words slipped from his mouth. He called her "cousin," yet at that moment, Jiang Jingchun felt she did not even deserve that title.

As soon as the words fell, he made no further delay and left.

Just then, Madam Gu also came out from the main hall, and the two of them returned to the Gu residence.

After they left, only the siblings Jiang Runchu and Jiang Jingchun remained.

Jiang Runchu looked at Jiang Jingchun, who was still staring absentmindedly in the direction Gu Huaisheng had gone. Frowning with displeasure, he instinctively wanted to scold her, but she spoke first.

"Brother."

Jiang Runchu looked at her, momentarily speechless.

He turned his head away, unwilling to look at the young girl before him, and said irritably, "What are you up to now?"

She asked him, "What kind of person does cousin Gu really like?"

Up to now, she seemed never to have seen Gu Huaisheng interested in any woman. He always wore that expression, keeping everyone at arm’s length.

She once thought she was different to him.

Two years ago, when Jiang Jingchun was about fourteen, she had gone out with friends. They got separated, and she accidentally fell down a mountain forest and into water, losing track of her whereabouts.

She stayed at the mountain base for two whole days, thinking she would surely die there. But in despair, Gu Huaisheng appeared.

He carried the nearly lifeless girl, gently patting her back, saying, “It’s alright.”

Since then, her gaze on this cousin changed.

She had always been open about her feelings; gradually, many knew she liked Gu Huaisheng.

That day, when he looked at her so tenderly, she had never seen such warmth in his eyes from anyone else. That single glance stayed with her for two whole years. From that day on, she foolishly imagined that he treated her differently.

But now it was clear she had overthought it.

That was merely the compassion one shows to a person near death.

Just like today, he would help her only because she was his cousin.

That was all.

He didn’t like someone like her? Then what kind did he like? She would learn to become that.

Jiang Jingchun looked at Jiang Runchu and asked, “Brother, since you’re close to cousin Gu, you must know what kind of person he likes.”

Jiang Runchu looked at her disdainfully: “No matter who he likes, it’s certainly not someone like you, a spoiled lady.”

Jiang Jingchun was desperate and grasping at straws; asking him was probably the worst choice.

Her little face fell, and she turned to leave.

“Don’t bother him anymore. The more you cling, the more he’ll find you annoying…”

Jiang Runchu saw her not stopping and wasn’t sure if she heard him.

After Jiang Jingchun had gone some distance, Jiang Runchu’s voice faded completely.

She might have ignored his other words, but this one stuck in her heart.

He was right – Gu Huaisheng didn’t like her, likely seeing her as a child. So he preferred obedient, sensible, mature girls who weren’t clingy?

If she pestered him every day, surely he found it annoying.

That made sense. Gu Huaisheng was strict about rules; she supposed he liked girls who followed rules.

The more she thought about it, the more it seemed right.

She seemed to know what she had to do.

*

Night deepened, the moon hung on the treetops, bright stars gradually filled the sky, and a cold, clear light poured down, slipping through the window lattice into the main hall.

After supper, Jiang Jingchun was summoned to the Hall of Honor and Virtue by the old matriarch.

She could somewhat guess why her grandmother called her.

What happened during the day might be forgiven by others, but not by the old matriarch.

She was very strict, at least to Jiang Jingchun.

Jiang Jingchun entered the hall; only the old matriarch was inside.

Her mother had wanted to follow her but was firmly stopped outside by the old matriarch’s attendant. Fearing punishment, her mother refused to leave. It was only when Jiang Shangshu came that she was persuaded to go.

Her mother had always been good to her, ever since she could remember.

Afraid she might get hurt.

The old matriarch was a devout Buddhist; at the center of the hall stood a kind-faced Guanyin statue, with incense burning daily. Though it was now evening, the incense had yet to be replaced; half-burnt sticks curled with ash, and a faint scent of incense lingered.

The room was silent except for the soft sound of the old matriarch turning her Buddhist beads.

Jiang Jingchun sat in the lower seat, uncomfortable, secretly watching her grandmother’s half-closed eyes, uncertain when she would speak.

Finally, after an unknown length of time, the old matriarch’s voice came.

Jiang Jingchun couldn’t tell if her eyes were closed or squinted, but her aged voice rang out.

“After so much thought, tell me, do you know you were wrong today?”

She had been left waiting so long only to be asked to reflect on the day’s events.

Jiang Jingchun bowed her head, voice muffled, and said, “She was the one who slandered me first.”

The old matriarch expected this answer. She was silent a moment before slowly opening her eyes and signaling toward the Guanyin statue.

She said, “It seems you still don’t know you’re wrong. Then kneel before Guanyin. When you understand, then you may rise.”

Jiang Jingchun did not argue. Her grandmother did not care for her; if she argued, the punishment would be worse.

She was always perceptive in such matters.

But when her grandmother demanded she admit fault, she resolutely would not.

She rose and knelt before the Guanyin statue.

She was already prepared to kneel all night as punishment.

The young girl lowered her brows, kneeling upright in the hall, her back stiff, unwilling to bend — a silent protest.

The old matriarch observed her every move, knowing well what was in her heart.

She knew Jiang Jingchun was still unwilling to submit, though silent, her stiff neck betrayed her sulking.

The old matriarch let her kneel. After about half an hour, Jiang Jingchun’s body swayed slightly.

The old matriarch asked again, “Are you tired?”

Jiang Jingchun shook her head and replied, “No.”

So she still did not admit fault.

The old matriarch had her continue kneeling.

Another half hour passed; Jiang Jingchun’s body swayed again, and her once-straight back finally bent.

The old matriarch asked once more, “Do you admit fault now?”

Jiang Jingchun immediately straightened her back again.

This movement almost made the old matriarch laugh in anger.

The child was never so stubborn when young; now grown, she had the temper of an ox, likely to kneel until fainting but never to bow her head.

Where did she learn such obstinacy?

Jiang Jingchun wished to sulk with her grandmother. Fortunately, the old lady was not really trying to be harsh today; otherwise, even if Jiang Jingchun fainted kneeling, she would be forced to continue.

The old matriarch did not press her to admit fault but spoke, “You think you’re not wrong, claiming the Miss Lou offended you first, and you only retaliated. What fault is there?”

The attendant had already explained the day’s events to her.

The old woman’s words in the quiet night were soft, slowly sinking into Jiang Jingchun’s ears. She continued.

“You say she pushed you, but was anyone there to see? Yet when she says you pushed her, everyone knows.”

“People watch these things. Now that she fell down the steps, who would believe your words?”

“You say you’re not wrong, but do you have proof?”

Jiang Jingchun was silenced by the old matriarch’s questioning.

She stubbornly refused to admit fault, but to bystanders, it looked like she was making trouble without reason.

She said, “Grandmother, do you think I’ve disgraced the Jiang family?”

Her voice was somewhat muffled. After arguing for an hour and kneeling for an hour without yielding, she softened at this moment.

The old matriarch looked at the kneeling Jiang Jingchun and her back, somehow reminded of the past.

In her youth, the old matriarch had suffered much hardship. The days in the south were tough. After Master Jiang’s death, she raised three children alone, lacking warmth and food.

A single bowl of rice was divided into four parts — mother and three children — and she, as the adult, ate the least.

Hunger in those days was severe. That was when her stomach was damaged. Although life improved now, her ruined stomach never healed, sometimes aching unbearably and causing acid reflux.

When her stomach flared up, she couldn’t eat or drink porridge, curling up in her room in pain, tears streaming uncontrollably.

The younger generation at most asked after her twice.

But once, when her stomach ailment struck, she returned to the inner room to find little Jiang Jingchun, barely seven or eight, holding a bowl of porridge, waiting for her.

She was in too much pain to care for the child, but the little girl stubbornly stayed by her bedside, massaging her stomach with small hands.

Though she was in no mood to tolerate her, the child persisted, watching her drink the porridge before leaving.

The old matriarch recalled this: the child had always been so stubborn.

From childhood to now, always so.

She actually quite liked this granddaughter. While others feared and avoided her, when cold or in pain, only Jiang Jingchun would come close to this old woman.

With age, one tends to reminisce more.

The candle flickered, and the old matriarch slowly regained her composure.

Jiang Jingchun asked if she thought she had disgraced the family.

She replied, “What I mean is, if someone bullies you next time, you can fight back, but do so with some discretion.”

Jiang Jingchun thought if Lou Yanyan pushed her, she pushed back, it was even.

She was spoiled by her mother, somewhat ignorant of the world, thinking everything was black and white, believing everyone would stand by her and hear her side.

But reality always defied her wishes.

She suspected she had misheard. Surprised, she turned around, their eyes meeting. The old matriarch repeated her words.

“If no one offends me, I do not offend. But if someone offends me, I won’t endure it. Yet if others act slyly against you, to fight openly would be a great loss.”

Though her tone was even, Jiang Jingchun understood her meaning.

She hurried to her side but, stiff-legged from kneeling, stumbled and fell.

The old matriarch instinctively wanted to rise but held back.

She watched Jiang Jingchun stagger to her feet and come over.

Her eyes held a smile, but she still lightly chided, “No discipline.”

Jiang Jingchun knew she was tough on the outside but soft inside. Shamelessly, she clung to her grandmother and said, “Grandmother, I know I was wrong.”

She had just planned to kneel until death; now, she changed her face quickly.

The old matriarch found this amusing but spoke sternly.

“This time you have your cousin to help you. The world respects him, but he won’t always help you.”

Jiang Jingchun said, “I didn’t want to cause trouble for cousin today. I didn’t know he would come…”

She hadn’t known Gu Huaisheng would come to the Jiang residence that day; if she had, she wouldn’t have gone to play polo at that old place.

But the old matriarch wasn’t concerned.

“What trouble? It’s a huge matter for you, but for him, it’s trivial.”

It was just a few words to settle the matter. Gu Huaisheng wouldn’t stand by idly.

Though he was cold toward Jiang Jingchun, his heart was not so harsh.

But what of it? At most, he treated her as a cousin. Nothing more.

The old matriarch, having lived many years, saw all clearly.

She said, “You and your cousin are not of the same mind.”

One is deep and profound, the other shallow and simple.

How could you come together?

“Grandmother, do you think there’s no chance between cousin Gu and me?” Jiang Jingchun asked, looking up at her.