Chapter Seventeen

After the Dragon Boat Festival, each day grew hotter, and June quietly arrived, bringing summer without anyone noticing. One ordinary afternoon, the sky outside was clear and cloudless, yet the air carried an indescribable heat. The cicadas buzzed in the afternoon, lulling people into drowsiness.

Nanny Liu stood on the platform while Jiang Jingchun sat below. She could no longer hear what the nanny was saying; her chin rested on her hand, her head heavy, and her eyelids felt as if weighed down by a thousand pounds, refusing to stay open.

Just as her eyes were about to close, a sudden sharp knock on the table from the stage startled her awake. A student and teacher should not be like this; even a moment’s drowsiness was unacceptable. She straightened her back and looked up at Nanny Liu, who was frowning at her.

Then, Jiang Jingchun heard the nanny say, “What’s wrong with you these days? Why do you seem so absent-minded every day?”

She always seemed dazed, not only dozing off but also failing in her studies. Compared to before, this was quite unacceptable.

Jiang Jingchun did not dare to argue and lowered her head, apologizing, “Sorry, Nanny. It must be the heat recently; I can’t help but feel sleepy. I will make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

Ever since that meeting with Gu Huaisheng after the Dragon Boat Festival, her spirits had been low, and she was out of sorts. She had promised to come to the old matriarch’s side not only to be close to her mother but mainly because of Gu Huaisheng.

She wanted to become the kind of person he would like.

However, no matter how hard she tried or how much she learned, it seemed useless.

He simply didn’t like her.

This crushing failure nearly overwhelmed her. Everything seemed meaningless—what was the use of learning these rules here? No matter how well she learned, Gu Huaisheng would never like her.

Her unfulfilled love, which hadn’t even begun, seemed already over.

It was utterly miserable.

The heat was just a lazy excuse; Nanny Liu saw right through it.

Seeing Jiang Jingchun unable to focus, the nanny grew weary of teaching and said, “If you’re in such a state, I’m afraid you won’t absorb anything I teach. Forget it, go rest for a few days. Come back when you’re feeling better.”

With that, Nanny Liu disappeared.

Hua Yun had always been by Jiang Jingchun’s side and knew that ever since the Dragon Boat Festival, she had been listless and dispirited—likely because of Gu Huaisheng.

Seeing her unhappiness, Hua Yun said, “Miss, if you don’t want to continue learning, why don’t we go back to Chongming Hall? Madam will surely be pleased.”

Go back to Chongming Hall?

Jiang Jingchun was silent.

She turned her head to look out the window. The weather outside was unreasonably beautiful, the clear sky driving away the gloom, yet her heart was shrouded in mist, her thoughts in turmoil, frustration pressing on her chest, neither rising nor falling.

Anyway, lately, she couldn’t learn anything.

She didn’t know what to do next—go back to Chongming Hall or stay in Rongde Hall.

Jiang Jingchun stood there for a moment before being summoned to the old matriarch’s room, probably because Nanny Liu had just reported her condition. The old matriarch called her in to question her.

What was bound to happen, happened. With her poor state, it was strange if she wasn’t reprimanded.

Resigned, she got up and went to the old matriarch’s room.

*

As she approached the old matriarch’s chamber, a scent of sandalwood surrounded her. The old matriarch, a lifelong devotee, had her room filled with such fragrance. The doors and windows were wide open for ventilation, letting the scent drift outside.

Jiang Jingchun was ready for a scolding.

Her grandmother must be very disappointed in her.

After all the care she had given, despite her advanced age, she still worried about this unpromising younger generation, who at the slightest difficulty seemed ready to despair.

She entered the room, lowered her head, and stood before the old matriarch, waiting for her to speak.

Yet, the expected reprimand never came.

Instead, the old matriarch said, “Is it because the weather’s been hot lately that your mood has been so low?”

She did not blame her; rather, she seemed to excuse her laziness.

Jiang Jingchun looked up, puzzled. “Grandmother, don’t you blame me? I’ve upset Nanny Liu every day, even dozing off in her class today, making her refuse to teach me anymore.”

Hadn’t Nanny Liu told her all this?

Surely, grandmother would be angry with such disobedience?

In fact, the old matriarch had long known and had heard the nanny’s report again just now.

Instead of anger, she smiled and asked, “Why should I be angry?”

“People, when facing difficulties, often lose their way. It’s perfectly normal. Why should I blame you for this?”

She knew how much pain Jiang Jingchun was in.

*

A grandmother could not solve her granddaughter’s troubles and would not blame her for them.

The absence of the expected punishment made Jiang Jingchun feel even more distressed. The emotions she had bottled up for so many days finally surfaced, and her eyes reddened.

The old matriarch disliked seeing children cry most. She took Jiang Jingchun’s hand and drew her close.

“You’re nearly grown—why are you still crying? Whether I scold you or not, you’re going to cry anyway. What am I supposed to do with you?” Her tone was softer than usual.

She probably guessed why Jiang Jingchun was so upset.

Sure enough, Jiang Jingchun asked, “Is it because my cousin is going to be betrothed to someone else?”

Given her state, it must be about Gu Huaisheng.

The old matriarch looked at her and said, “Fu Yan is already twenty-one.”

The implication was clear: he should have married by now.

“Then why can’t it be me?”

Why couldn’t it be her?

She liked him so much, but he didn’t like her at all.

The old matriarch said, “Love is unpredictable. Just because you like someone doesn’t mean they will like you back.”

If it were so simple, the world would be filled with stories of mutual love.

But in reality, unrequited love was the norm.

She said, “It’s better to let go of endless hopes. If it’s not meant to be, no amount of pleading will change it.”

Some things are meant to be yours; others, no matter how much you ask, will never be.

Jiang Jingchun said no more, unsure if she truly understood.

The old matriarch sighed and continued, “But you mustn’t give up on yourself just because your cousin is going to be betrothed. I know you’ve been down lately, but forcing yourself will only make things worse. Go rest for a few days. When you’re ready, come back. It’s never too late.”

*

That same day, after leaving the old matriarch, Li came looking for Jiang Jingchun.

She wanted to take Jiang Jingchun back.

Although they were all part of the Jiang family, Jiang Jingchun’s presence by the old matriarch’s side meant her mother couldn’t see her often.

It was agreed that once she finished learning her manners, she would return. Now that she had learned much, she still hadn’t come back.

Li knew Jiang Jingchun would likely obey the old matriarch. If the old matriarch didn’t agree, she wouldn’t return willingly. So Li sought out the old matriarch herself. Besides, there was another matter Li wanted to ask Jiang Jingchun in person.

She began, “Miss Xiao Chun has troubled Mother these days. I think she has learned enough of her manners and it’s time for her to come home. No need to keep disturbing Mother here.”

The old matriarch understood. After all, Jiang Jingchun had been here since late March, and now it was June—two months. Li’s request was reasonable.

Li’s persistence surprised the old matriarch. She had planned to continue her instruction but, since Li came, she could not refuse.

The old matriarch said, “Hmm, now that she’s finally more disciplined, once she goes back, there must be no more spoiling her.”

Jiang Jingchun had learned quickly and sincerely over the past two months, making much progress.

However, she had only mastered fundamental rules and the virtues of humility and patience, making her more orderly. As for arts like music, chess, calligraphy, and painting—that was not achieved in a day, and it was already late to start now.

Li had not expected the old matriarch to agree so readily. She had prepared a basketful of arguments in case of resistance.

Relieved, she said, “Of course not.”

The old matriarch showed no emotion, leaving Li unsure whether she was convinced.

After gaining her approval, Li asked about another matter, “Mother, do you remember if Xiao Chun ever changed her name before?”

At this, the old matriarch’s expression softened. Her brow twitched as she looked at Li and said, “She got lost once, don’t you remember?”

Years ago, she took three-year-old Jiang Jinghui to a temple on the mountain to pray, but...

That time, Jiang Jinghui was abducted.

Perhaps because it was such a painful memory, Li did not recall the details clearly. Just as last time when Jiang Nan mentioned Jiang Jinghui, she remembered nothing.

Who was Jinghui?

She could not remember.

The old matriarch said Jiang Jingchun had once been lost?

Everyone remembered, except her.

Whatever happened that year was completely forgotten by her.

She looked at the old matriarch, wanting to ask what exactly had happened, but when she met the old matriarch’s gaze, she fell silent, unwilling to ask further.

*

Some things cannot be held onto in the heart; otherwise, one cannot move forward.

What happened in the past is unimportant.

What matters is that her daughter is still by her side now.

Li finally took Jiang Jingchun back as she wished. Since the old matriarch let her go, she had no reason to object. She packed her belongings and returned with Li to the residence at Chongming Hall.

Jiang Jingchun’s return brought joy to Li, who grasped her hand and chatted animatedly, “I wanted to call you back long ago, but your grandmother watched you closely. This time she let you go so easily.”

Li held her hand, noticing how slender her fingers had become, then turned her face to look closely.

Not only had she grown thin, but she also looked so haggard.

What was going on?

Stopping in her tracks, Li asked, “Good heavens, why have you worn yourself down like this? Has the old matriarch been harsh to you?”

When she left, she was still a lively young girl; at the last Dragon Boat Festival, she looked fine. How could just a few days have drained her vitality so much, the dark circles under her eyes so obvious?

Jiang Jingchun still wore a sullen expression and replied casually, “Grandmother isn’t that sort of person. Mother, don’t imagine things. It’s nothing—just the heat making me lose my appetite.”

“Well then, we’ll have to bring out the ice chest earlier this year.”

Jiang Nan held the position of Minister and earned a decent salary. Moreover, there were only two children in the family—Jiang Runchu and Jiang Jingchun—no concubines or illegitimate children. Li’s assets were also considerable.

Thus, Jiang Jingchun lived comfortably, never having suffered hardship.

It was only June, yet Li wanted to prepare ice early, fearful she might suffer from the heat.

But after hearing Jiang Jingchun’s explanation, Li dismissed the matter, assuming it was just the hot weather affecting her appetite.

As they reached the hanging flower gate, they happened upon Jiang Runchu returning from duty, dressed in his blue official robes.

Seeing Jiang Jingchun and the servants carrying many packages behind her, he immediately understood she was moving back from the old matriarch’s residence.

Noticing her haggard appearance, Jiang Runchu blurted, “Oh, so it’s a lovesick injury, huh?”

Upon meeting her, he couldn’t help but tease.

Anyone could tell at a glance what had happened to Jiang Jingchun, especially since Lady Gu had been matchmaking for Gu Huaisheng, who was seen associating with other young ladies. Jiang Jingchun naturally felt jealous.

She ignored him and quietly asked Li, “Brother is already twenty-two. Why hasn’t Mother arranged a match for him yet?”

Li’s face grew troubled. It was not that she did not want to; Jiang Runchu was picky, much like Gu Huaisheng. She had been anxious for two years with no success.

At first, she tried to persuade him gently, but later, whenever she brought up his marriage, her demeanor toward him soured.

Now, Jiang Jingchun deliberately brought up the subject again.

Unsurprisingly, Li began to scold Jiang Runchu.

Jiang Jingchun looked on with a mischievous expression.

At first, Jiang Runchu was angry, but then something seemed to occur to him, and his frustration dissipated. When Li finished, he turned to Jiang Jingchun and retorted, “Whether my marriage happens or not depends on when I say so, just like Fu Yan. But you? You refused to study when I asked, and you have no skill in music, chess, calligraphy, or painting. Even I dislike having you as my sister. Who would want to marry you?”

His words struck a raw nerve.

She did not care whether Jiang Runchu liked her; she disliked him.

But she cared about Gu Huaisheng.

Jiang Runchu’s disdain sounded like Gu Huaisheng’s rejection: a message that someone like her was unlovable.

Her face flushed with anger, and she snapped back, “Fine! If you like that kind of sister, go find one! I don’t care whether you like me or not!”

Unexpectedly, Jiang Runchu was silent for a moment, his expression oddly strange.

Then the strange look vanished, and with a blank face, he said, “Do you think I care if you’re my sister?”

With that, he strode away.

Jiang Jingchun was stunned. Li reacted first, exclaiming, “That brat! I’m going to thrash him today!”

Her words stung both Jiang Jingchun and Li.

Li wanted to chase after Jiang Runchu, but Jiang Jingchun stopped her, perhaps still shaken by her earlier emotional outburst. Her lips were pale.

She shook her head at Li, saying, “Forget it, Mother.”

She wanted to relent, but Li was unwilling to drop it and tried to continue.

Jiang Jingchun interrupted, “I’m a little tired and want to rest.”

Saying this, she walked back down the corridor toward the courtyard she had stayed in before at Chongming Hall.