Chapter 130: Refusing to Turn Back Until Hitting a Stone Wall

"My humble abode is quite crude; I hope you will forgive the lack of hospitality, Hanren," Huang Huan said with a smile as he addressed Li Sanjian.

"Your life is one of such noble simplicity, Professor. It fills me with admiration," Li Sanjian replied, quickly cupping his hands in a respectful salute.

Li Sanjian had finally learned why Huang Huan was in Guizhou. After his performance appraisal, Huang had been promoted to the position of Regional Judge of Guizhou. The former judge, Hu Wenhai, had been elevated to the post of Acting Prefect of Guizhou, while the previous prefect, Yin Mochuan, had been transferred elsewhere.

Since his transfer, Huang Huan had no private residence in Guizhou, living instead within the official government quarters. His home was sparsely furnished, reflecting a life of extreme austerity that left Li Sanjian deeply moved.

Having spent three years in the capital of Kaifeng, Li Sanjian was no stranger to the opulence and grandiosity of the Song officialdom. He had never encountered such a modest official; the home was truly bare, and the meager household goods were nothing compared to the simple, home-cooked meal prepared by Huang’s wife, served with nothing but common local fruit wine. It was a display of integrity that left Li Sanjian both touched and deeply respectful.

"Such an upright official is a rarity," Li Sanjian thought to himself. "It is truly a blindness of the imperial court to leave a man of such integrity in the remote south rather than calling him to serve in a vital capacity at the center of power."

Li Qingzhao’s father, Li Gefei, was also an official of excellent reputation, yet he did not live with the same austerity as Huang Huan. The Li household was quite well-off, and Li Gefei maintained a certain degree of prestige, always accompanied by servants when he went out.

Thinking of Li Gefei brought to mind the lovely Li Qingzhao. They had already pledged their hearts to one another, waiting only for Li Sanjian to formally propose. He had intended to have his mother, Fu Erniang, make the arrangements should he succeed in the imperial examinations. They were but one step away from their union. A smile tugged at his lips as he thought of the bright, talented, and beautiful Li Qingzhao.

"Brother Hanren, what are you grinning about like a fool?" Zeng Gongming, who was sitting nearby, nudged him.

After returning to the south from Kaifeng, Zeng Gongming’s father had used his connections to secure him a position as a minor clerk in the local yamen.

"Professor, I arrived in such a rush that I did not prepare a proper gift of respect. I beg your forgiveness," Li Sanjian said, turning to Huang Huan.

By custom, returning to Guizhou should have been marked by a generous gift to show gratitude to his mentor. However, Li Sanjian lacked the funds, nor had he known that Huang Huan was stationed in Guizhou.

"Hanren," Huang Huan said, shaking his head. "You haven't spent many years in the capital, yet you've already picked up such tedious formalities? Do you not know that the friendship of a gentleman is as clear and pure as water?"

"I have been taught," Li Sanjian replied, offering a sheepish, awkward smile.

Zeng Gongming couldn't help but look at Li Sanjian with a sense of schadenfreude. As a student of Huang Huan, Zeng had once prepared a lavish gift upon his own transfer to Guizhou, only to be promptly thrown out by the professor. He had nearly lost his hard-earned position in the process, a memory that still made him wince.

Watching the two of them, Li Sanjian—who was kneeling beside Zeng Gongming—pinched his friend’s plump thigh hard, causing Zeng to grimace in pain.

Huang Huan looked at the two rowdy students and shook his head. Both had passed the provincial examinations together in the past, only to fail the subsequent metropolitan exams, much to his regret. The only difference was that Zeng Gongming had entered the bureaucracy as a clerk, seemingly abandoning any further ambition for the exams, while Li Sanjian had returned to Guizhou after three years, determined to try again. This perseverance moved Huang deeply.

"Indomitable in the face of repeated setbacks—only with such spirit can one achieve great things," Huang mused silently.

"My scholarship is shallow, and my failure in the examinations has disappointed you, Professor. I am filled with shame," Li Sanjian said, bowing his head.

Before entering the city, Huang Huan had hinted that there were matters he had not yet fully explained to Li Sanjian, which prompted this apology.

"I have read all your papers from the Ministry of Rites examination," Huang nodded. "They were sound and followed the rules, and your essay on current affairs was truly brilliant. By all rights, you should have passed without issue. Do you know why you were failed?"

Li Sanjian remained silent. Having had a long conversation with the high minister Zeng Bu and having spent so much time in the Prince of Duan’s residence, how could he not know? It was simply that his writing had displeased those in power.

After a moment of reflection, he replied, "I understand the situation. It was merely that my writing was seen as 'slanderous toward those above'."

"Slanderous?" Huang Huan smiled. "If that is the case, how do you intend to handle your next attempt? If you write such things again, you may well fail once more. Of course, you could always resort to sycophancy; that might ensure your success."

What did he mean? Li Sanjian studied Huang’s half-smiling face, wondering if he was being mocked, scorned, or perhaps warned.

"I have no other thoughts regarding this attempt," Li Sanjian replied, his answer intentionally ambiguous. "The essays for the imperial examinations are but a simple inquiry and response."

"Quite mature for one so young," Huang thought, amused by the boy's guarded, flawless response.

"It is not your fault that your writing did not please the powers that be," Huang said. "Having spent years in the capital, you must understand the current political climate. The followers of the Yuanfeng era now hold the reins of power, having purged the followers of the Yuanyou era from the court. They demand that all scholars follow their lead: those who submit shall flourish, and those who resist shall perish. The examinations are no different—those who gain their favor pass, and those who do not are cast aside. Hanren, what are your thoughts on this?"

Huang felt he should have said this sooner. If he had enlightened Li Sanjian earlier, perhaps the boy could have succeeded. Yet, Huang was conflicted; he wanted Li Sanjian to pass, but he did not want him to become a sycophant.

Li Sanjian remained silent. He understood. The power holders were still the same, with Zhang Dun serving as chancellor and enjoying the Emperor's favor. Even if he passed the provincial exams in Guizhou, he was likely to fail the metropolitan exams again if he remained true to his convictions.

But would changing his tune even make a difference? Probably not. He realized he might already be branded as a "Yuanyou partisan" in the eyes of Zhang Dun. Was there any hope left?

Was there any point in continuing on this path? Was the dream of "rising to fame in a single day" still possible? Since the answer seemed to be no, why was he insisting on returning to Guizhou to try again? Even he could not answer this.

"Perhaps I should just give up?" Li Sanjian asked with a touch of bitterness. "Return to my hometown, live in seclusion, and pay no more mind to the affairs of the world?"

His words drew laughter from Huang and Zeng. He was not even twenty years old; to speak of "retiring from old age" was absurd.

"Haha," Zeng Gongming laughed. "Seclusion is unnecessary. With your talent, why not just find a post here in Lingnan? I am terribly lonely in Guizhou. Why don't you stay?"

Zeng’s eyes were filled with sincere longing, which touched Li Sanjian deeply. Since arriving in this world, Zeng was his only true friend, a bond he cherished.

But staying in the south was impossible. His mother, Fu Erniang, was still in Kaifeng, effectively held as a hostage in the Prince of Duan’s residence. If he stayed in Guizhou too long, it would arouse the suspicion of Prince Zhao Ji, endangering his mother. He knew well that while the Prince favored him, he was merely a pawn that could be discarded at any moment. And then there was Li Qingzhao, waiting for him in the capital. He could not simply abandon everything.

After a long silence, Li Sanjian spoke slowly. "I appreciate your kindness, Donglin. But this is who I am—I am the type of person who will not turn back even after hitting a stone wall. My mother lost my father and two brothers while still in her prime, yet she never gave up. She is a woman of the Li people, and she taught me the value of persistence. No matter the hardship, one must remain unbroken and steadfast. As Professor Huang said, 'The movement of heaven is full of power; the gentleman makes himself strong and untiring.' Regardless of the circumstances, one must walk one's own path. Whether I succeed or fail, I will leave to fate. If not the first time, then the second; if not the second, then the third. History will have its own verdict."

His voice was low and slow, but his resolve was absolute.

"In my previous life, I failed because I could not withstand the setbacks... now that heaven has granted me a second chance, how could I simply give up?"

Huang and Zeng were both silent, deeply moved by his words.

"Hanren," Huang said after a long while, "the winds of the world are unpredictable. Things have not yet reached a point of no return."

Li Sanjian looked up, startled, wondering what the professor could possibly mean.