Deliberately Blinding Oneself to Grasp the Remnants of Light

Ricky's voice drifted over from afar, and Musa and I exchanged a smile.
"Look, they're back. You can finally set your mind at ease," he said.
"Yes, I've been worrying all along, wishing they would get here sooner." I looked up at him, gazing intently for a moment before putting my hands behind my back, lowering my head, and smiling faintly. "Yet, now that they're back, I feel a sudden sense of loss."
Musa smiled softly and slowly reached his hand out behind my back. Out of Ricky's line of sight, his fingers hooked and intertwined with mine. "Me too," he whispered.
Ricky drove the off-road truck up to us and came to a halt.
Our secretly entwined fingers quickly unclasped, leaving no trace for anyone else to know.
I stepped forward, pretending to be nonchalant, and put on an expression of immense excitement. "You're finally here! I've waited so long!"
Two people stepped down from the vehicle: Senior Brother Ricky and a mechanic. The truck was loaded with spare parts to replace the broken ones. After a few brief pleasantries, the mechanic got to work while the rest of us gathered nearby to wait and chat.
"Ricky, are your injuries healed?" Musa asked him.
Ricky waved his hand dismissively. "All better, all better. My minor injuries are nothing. Otherwise, the professor wouldn't have sent me on this errand—consider it a way to redeem myself."
"And what about Singh? Is he doing well?"
"Singh? He's still in the hospital." Ricky sighed, looking self-reproachful. "It's all my fault. I had a sudden urge to go dune bashing for no good reason and dragged him into such suffering. I won't play like that ever again."
"Good to know," I replied with a smile, then asked Ricky for Singh's hospital address and turned to Musa. "When we get back, let's go visit him."
The word "we" slipped out of my mouth quite naturally, without the slightest awkwardness. The moment I said it, Ricky pounced on the phrasing. He narrowed his eyes, glancing sideways at Musa and me with a meaningful, knowing smile. "You two have been having a rather cozy time these past few days."
My face burned instantly, and I felt a faint, guilty thrill like a thief caught in the act. But upon second thought, this was merely ordinary romance between a man and a woman; I had done nothing wrong, so why should I feel guilty? Smiling, I reproached Ricky with a mock glare. "You've got an overactive imagination, always nitpicking."
Ricky, being thick-skinned, burst into laughter. "I was just saying it for fun! It's obvious the two of you aren't a likely match, just joking around."
With that, he let out another hearty chuckle, high-spirited, and paced away to check on the progress of the truck repairs.
Leaving Musa and me frozen in place, our faces pale.
"Not a likely match?" I lowered my head, murmuring in a voice only I could hear, as if asking him, or perhaps asking myself. Ricky's unintentional words felt like a thorn, piercing deeply into my heart. Leaving it unpulled hurt; pulling it out would hurt even more.
Turning my head, I saw that Musa was also deep in thought, his brow furrowed into a tight knot. I initially wanted to ask him something, but seeing his troubled expression, I couldn't bear to push. Knowing full well that the road ahead was far from smooth, hadn't I already let my heart be moved? Wasn't love simply two people liking each other? Could the rest just be left unthought of for now?
I closed my eyes, forcing myself to halt the turbulent cascade of my thoughts. The surge and entanglement of emotions were so alluring that I chose to blind myself deliberately, lingering a little longer in this borrowed, fragile happiness.
"Fixed!" A loud voice shattered my thoughts. The mechanic crawled out from under the vehicle, let out a long sigh of relief, and winked at Ricky. "There were plenty of things broken on this truck. Don't expect to shortchange me on the bill."
Ricky laughed heartily. "No problem!" Then he waved at Musa and me. "What are you standing there for? Let's head back!"
"Coming," I replied, following after them, though my feet felt as heavy as lead. For the first time in my life, I felt a deep and intense reluctance to leave a barren, empty stretch of wasteland, wishing only to stay by his side a little longer, just a little longer.